It is a truth universally acknowledged that Dutchee is the seediest person that any of us have encountered online, but what makes him tick? When you consider that many of us have met some exceedingly unsavoury characters - this is quite an accomplishment indeed.
Dutchee aka Lowlandz is characterised by his low linguistic ability and obsession with ‘toilet’ humour. Many is the time when we have seen him introduce himself to a lobby with that signature phrase, ‘Hello, I am Dutchee, the King of Poop’. Never a day goes by when Dutchee does not make a reference to a bowel movement of one type or another, and then cut and paste it several times. Of course, those perceptive observers amongst us recognise the cut and paste actions to be a revelation of his poor linguistic command and lack of creativity.
Along with this fascination with the intricacies of major bowel movements, Dutchee is also recognised for his relentless homophobia. He has been known on several occasions to make comments about ‘fags’ in the most derogatory sense. Once again, those that have watched him carefully have noted that his references to homosexuality often refer to the act of sex between two men bringing back into the equation his fascination for the nether regions of the human anatomy – particularly the male rear orifice.
Now…these are things that we all know and see on a regular basis. BUT…who is Dutchee and what does he do in his real life? Well many assertions have been made in this area – and some with incredible accuracy. The consensus opinion, and one that has been confirmed, is that he works as a sanitation engineer (also known as sewer cleaner), which would be fitting in light of his obsessions as discussed above.
However, there is a suggestion of a more sinister aspect to his nature. One online gamer brought to my attention some difficulties that Dutchee has had with the law enforcement agencies in the Netherlands. I cannot verify the truth of these allegations, but it is suggested that Dutchee spent a significant period of time in prison for deviant sexual offences.
The thing is…Dutchee has violently repudiated these claims. His assertion is that he is an artist. He has often claimed that his descent into toilet humour and bowel movements are the only way he feels he can communicate with the general populace. He has furthermore stated that he is obsessed with a desire to try and ‘do down’ a certain Space_Phantom26 – who he regards as his nemesis. This statement is funny enough since Space does not see Dutchee as a threat or competition in any sense.
However, for Dutchee, his simultaneous hatred and admiration of Space have led him to degrade himself in ways unimaginable to the normal online gamer. In order to gain Space’s attention he has swung from one group of people to another – whomsoever space may be fighting with at the time. In every case, Dutchee has fawned over and followed the lead of these people – and ultimately found himself made into a pariah by several communities. Currently, he is the boot-boy for sim0n who has put him to work as a general dogsbody - carrying messages, making tea etc. Since we all know that sim0n himself holds dutchee in high contempt (based on past bashings) we await in amusement for when he turns on Dutchee again.
Finally, back to Dutchee the artist. When I had finally stopped laughing at the suggestion that he was an artist of sorts – I decided to investigate the validity of such a claim. To my utter astonishment and shock – I found a gallery in downtown Amsterdam that actually was exhibiting Dutchee’s most recent work. Out of sheer curiosity, I ventured into the gallery which seemed to be composed mainly of good humoured people – I made this deduction because they were all pointing at the paintings and laughing. In conclusion to this post, I have included one of the ‘better’ paintings I saw in the exhibition of Dutchee’s work.
This painting was called ‘Me – A Self Portrait’
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