CANCER - The Game of my life

CANCER

Us Moderator asked me to tell about what decide my life the last few years and I will do it !

My Name is Sylvia ! I am 50 year old ,I life in Germany is married over 30 years and has 2 Kids. We use a little company who sells Software . We life and work in a nice house in a silence street ! I have a garden full with flowers … yes I can say I had a life like in a picture book for little kids ..
Beside my real life I has always spend times in the net to play cards …I love to play hearts and I has some friends who I love to meet everyday for a fancy game of hearts.
So if someone had ask me ….i would have say = yes my life is perfect!!!

Until march 2005 as I has found by myself a lump in my left breast ! I did what all of us women should do from time to time!! I felt my breast …not that I thought there was something …nope, just cause we should do it !
And I had found something ,,,and I remember I stand in my bathroom ,,, was looking in the mirror and thought = Sylvia don’t be silly there is nothing ! And I did what many of us do if we see or get problems! I wouldn’t see the true !
A few days I told myself no worry, no panic …there is nothing!

A day after eastern 2005 I did visited my gynaecologist!
She asked so nice how are you what’s the problem? And I did look in her eyes and I had the feeling I sink in the ground and said = I has Cancer!
All she said was ….not so hurry, we check that all and prolly is there nothing!
Ok.. There was then a few docs more and some results the next weeks and all said the same.

CANCER

Some Moments are then like a film ,,like a nightmare …the life between hope despair!
Always then the big Question …Why has me not notice it before? When has it start? …. And the Question who always stand in the room over and over again …..WHY ME?

I know not exact when is has start but there was some Indications who should have tell me there is something not ok
Indications was = I lost my strong’s more and more … in the January is start that I was constantly tired ..at Friday I go always dancing with my husband and after a little Walzer I said = let me get a break ,, and after the next dance I said = let me sit, I need a another break !
But this exhaustion comes slowly and I was to busy with things to listen to my body!
Today I know the skin at my breast was changed , the skin feels different and a very important point to see there is cancer in the breast is = a vein runs big over the whole breast ,,,hmmm I would say today like earthworm …today I know that is cause the lump need blood and that’s why it look so …but al I did was to put cream on my breast and thought …see you get old !
Cancer in the early stadium gives you no pains..Cancer is quiet, very quiet. Cancer is hiding and most of time cancer hiding so well that we find him to late.
All I can say to day is = all women who see something uncommon at the breast …please , please go to the doc !!! . Is doesn’t hurt to get a yearly check by the gynaecologist and is need not much time to make sure, all in your life is ok ….and if they find something then thank god and let you help !

Just the word cancer let get us all a shock! We all hear of it ,,,we all know people who had it ,,we watch it in the TV , we read of it in the paper ….but we cant believe it means us …means me ….means YOU!
But cancer is a illness we can all get ,,, today , tomorrow ,,no matter how healthy your life is ..…give the cancer not the change to win over you life!
The docs help you so good they can, but to have cancer means to fight ….to fight for the life ,,,to beat the lump in yourself and to believe !
Isn’t easy to believe if the breast operation is over, if you has lost all of your hair,,,. if your skin looks grey of all the meds …if the doc said = the lump was too big …if you life the next 3 months you has a little change ….To hear the true is sure in some ways good …but the brutal true shall give us a hope ? …The hope and the will to life is beside the meds so damn, damn important.
Who me knows did say = Sylvia is strong ,,,Sylvia will not give up !
I love all who has say that to me ….. that’s not only words that was what has let me sit and I thought= If all believe on you …then you has to fight ..
There was a day I did went to my beach .I has sit on a big stone and watched the sea , the Waves and I was crying and I was scream to god and I asked myself …How ..how shall I fight ?
And I sat on my stone and thought = Sylvia you be a player ….and this cancer is a devil and I play with you …I play with you the game of the life ….and I don’t let you win !!!! And I swear from this day I has see my fight against my cancer as a poker game !! Is hard to explain, but I has talk with my cancer , I has not only take the meds I has listen into my body, I has know what was good for me and what not ..I have the cancer not let eat my soul!
There was always days where doubts comes up, where the pains would let get me down!

And then if your family is there ,, if my parents , my husband , my kids , sister, brother , friends looked in my eyes and all in this eyes scream to you = don’t give up …let us not alone …….then you know why you must fight ,,,then you has a reason to life …..and the life is so wonderful if you see and get the love …and even the fear of all you love help you to fight for the life!!
And I got this help in the net too of some good friends who has spend me the time who I has need to hiding about my life where I must forget for a while that the cancer sit in my breast. I thank Nathan and Dave forever what they has do for me ….this still playing hours for hours if I had not the power to speak , to think ,,,and ( I know I even couldn’t play ) to give me the fun that I had a reason to laugh !
The Net was often the mouse hole where I was hiding ,,,if I would just forgot what had take me away from my nice perfect life …

And so I must say the Net is real too…that not only all name in the room …we are all real ..we all has a life ..we all has a reason to be there.
Yesterday I was In the CT –tube and after 4 years up and down fights with the devil I has WON! I has beat my cancer ,,he isn’t anymore there …the devil has lost the Game and I go back into my life with the flowers and the garden.


Sylvia

.

Sylvia my darling....what a beautiful post : )

Your undeniable voice! This post has had me enthralled and I knew most of what was happening to you. Thank you for sharing that with us, and most importantly...I think you may inspire confidence in others to deal with this sort of thing if it happens to them. If nothing else, you give great advice about regular health checks - you wise woman you : )

I agree with Carrie, that your battle against this illness has been nothing short of admirable - and your victory over it is nothing less than I would expect from a woman with as much courage and inner strength as you have.

'Who me knows did say = Sylvia is strong ,,,Sylvia will not give up !' <-- we all said this...and we all KNEW it was true. In the 10 years that I have had the pleasure to know you, I can quite honestly say that you are one of the most resilient people I have ever met - that Cancer had no chance against you. Added to that, you have a loving and supportive family, which I am sure is the source of much of your strength.

Thanks again for sharing such a personal experience.

With love : )

Space

Sylvia,

This is the most powerful and touching post on this site! Puts everything else into perspective.

Vic

Syl:

Most of us who know you, you have been very strong and long may it continue.

meetme7

Slyvia,

For 8 years now I have sat in this chair or around my house feeling sorry for myself because I am gonna end up in a wheelchair someday, BUT, as I sat here reading ur post about ur life with tears in my eyes, I thought, "Geesh Karen, that woman went thru hell & back & ur worried about a stupid wheelchair!!" Sylvia, I don't know u well, just in lobbies, but I DID always know u were a strong woman, just by ur words. U have opened my eyes to knowing now I can make it thru my "petty" problem compared to what u went thru. hugs to u hon...Thank U for telling ur story. It will help others who thought their problems were so bad & YES, ur right, some folks online do become like part of ur "real life"...I have been blessed with a few great friends.

Dear Syl,

Your post touched my heart.
My thoughts were often with you and the way you fought against it, was admirable.
You defeated the devil !!
I am so happy for you and your family !

Viel Glueck,

Madelief_5

OmG Syl what can i say, you are one Courageous woman
(but suck at 1x1) kiddin sweetie.

I'm sooo pleased you're doing well.. As you know was only
last October my mum was diagnosed with cancer, shortly afterwards
november lost my mother in law, to say the least has been a trying
time as you well know.

Without friends like you, lillie, space whole load of others, i really
don't think i would have gotten through it (and sheesh now you
have gone got me sobbing). For that I thank you all from the
bottom of my heart.

There's a saying " a friend in need is a friend indeed" and boy you
really have been a great sense of encouragement for me, telling me
what to expect, to be strong etc etc, and even though you were going
through similar thing, you we ALWAYS there for me. If you remember
last year I bought you a keyring with a stone on it? friendship stone if
i remember right carry that with you at all times I will always be in your
heart

love ya girlie and so proud to have met you.

Keep strong as you always are

CwAzY

Sylvia ,
that touched my hearts (no matter i have no heart ) ..
only what i can say is God help you and gald to hear u have good news : )

I m totally impressed that so many of you has response to my post!
I share not often personal things ….what do I say …I has never before share so private things in the public.
I was so happy about my good diagnose that I had the feeling to share it with the whole world!
The first effect after the post was ,,,,that so many has sit in tears …… and I must admit after some post’s and many response in the lobby too , I had now and then a tear in my eyes too! That wasn’t what I wanted  . I thought ok if you shall written about the cancer in your life then be honest and tell about the feelings . people in general responds different if they hear people get very ill…cancer or other bad illness…there are many things who scare us off.

And there are people who stick the ill people with exaggerated help/love , the other group don’t want to say any wrong and would never more ask = how are you !!!
I was in fear ! And that’s normal ….the unknown things in us life scare us …so is Cancer and I would tell you all, if all accept the facts then can you handle it better…and that in all things of the life .
And if I can only a bit take of what I has learn in these years to you all in the world and you all maybe has 1 person who you can can tell and help with words if he has a similar problem ,,,,then has we with us little forum make sense , then we hasn’t not life for nothing. I cannot turn the world with 1 finger…but we can give other the helped hand !!

And let me say it as player Sylvia: “Then we have not only a lobbyblahblah……..”


Well, some of you I know good and I m happy to have you as friends here in the net and I even know many was in worry about me . Other only know me from the heartsgames or if I speak with my broken English in the lobby …important is only we get the fun we want …..and honestly ….even if we fight like I often did with carrie and simon …..we know not to take it to serious and that shows the response of you all..
It shows us too it is so easy to make friends ……and friends are important for all of us!

And before we start again a LOBBYCRYGROUP today ……lets thing of funny things who we can post in the forum…..
Lets show things of us life who we should share ....maybe a little story about your kids ……about your animals…….dunno there are so many things ……or tell the story = As I has meet the kraut first time and she has boot me of the table lolololol

Sylvia

Hi all of you,
None of you know me personality, but I am sure, that the most of you know more about me than I would expect.
I am the reason why Sylvia is playing cards with you in the internet. When the internet got more and more relevant for my life she ask me: ,, What are you doing the whole day in the internet?’’ I told her:,, Chatting with friends .’’ She wanted me to show her the internet and the chatrooms. So I did. I explained her what ,,chatting’’ means, where it is possible to create a addy etc. While I was showing her all the things she asked me one thing:,, Is it also possible to play card games in the internet?’’ I showed her, where it is possible and that was the moment where she had a smile in her eyes and from this time on my mum played cards in the internet.
I just read the text my mother has written in this forum and although I know how strong my mum is, I was really impressed of the way she has written her feelings in this poetic and powerful style for all of you. Especially she has written it in English!! I am really proud of you mum!!
When you told me, that you have cancer it was absolutely a shock for me and also for the rest of the family! Until this moment my family and also you were more like ,,normal’’. To have a mum was for me the most normal thing in the world. I had never thought about the fact you could ever leave. But from this moment on everything changed completely! I asked myself what is life without my mum?? I recognized that having a family, that having a mum is the most important thing in the world!!
Although I know you bet the evil cancer I still can’t believe it. It is like having a good dream! All the doctors said you will die, but you didn’t! Each time the doctors said to you, that you will die in a couple of months. You said: No I will not die now! There is no bigger enemy in this whole world than the death! And you have beaten him several times. This is more than amazing!
The reason why you have always be so strong and powerful against the death is not only because of your family. It is also because of all your friends you have met in the internet! Each of them were in the most difficult period of your time there for you. Also you told most of them nothing of your cancer, thus they didn’t spoke with you about it. They did something more important: They played cards with you! All the time you lie in bed because of the cancer you was never alone! Actually you had often real fun and totally forgot about the cancer, while playing cards the whole time. To be honest sometimes you are laughing so loud, that we often thought something is wrong, but you just had so much fun with your friends!
At this moment I have to say thank you for all of my mother’s friends. Thank you for be one of the reasons my mother does not give up with her life!!!
As I am always telling you, mum: I do not allow you to die until you are an old grandma!!! I am going to play with you and my children, having a lot of Christmas days and a lot of more.

In love your daughter

Jennifer...Hi...and welcome : )

Your post in honour of your mother is touching. Indeed - she is a mighty strong woman. I can see that strength in you too. Well done for making her proud : )

Space

Jennifer hi and welcome to the forum, your post was beautiful and
I know your mother will be proud of you, i’m sure I don’t speak for
myself also others will agree your mother is an amazing woman, admittedly
can be argumentative which i’m sure you know. She brings many
laughs to the gaming sites and also many tears too, tears in a good sense.

You are right when you say not only family but friends also make people stronger,
I personally spent many hours talking with your mum and don’t think she realises
how much she along with other friends helped me get through the tough times.
Sadly, I don’t have much of a family who I can turn to, although I have a wonderful
Husband who is my rock, and my mother is doing great.

I would like to thank you both in showing me a beautiful Daughter and Mother
relationship, and hope Jennifer I am a much of a good daughter to my mother
in her bad times as you are to yours.

Hey Jen - this is G. Thanks for you post on here - I want you to know that we really appreciate your comments and your mom. Your mom is a great person and we all admire her (even though she drives a crappy Hyundai). We have had lots of great times teaching your mom hearts (she still has much more to learn), how to speak english and how to say "USA #1, Germany #3245". I can't believe you taught her to get online in card rooms - that was a great idea for you. Unfortunately, you left us to hear so much about damn hyundais, bmws, Reeperbahn, you and your family and other German information that we feel like we are a part of the family. We have a pretty diverse crowd on here from all over the world and Syl has been a friend for a long time and a great addition. Anytime I hear "guten tag" or "frauline" I think about her. Oh, and one more thing, my offer to help make Syl a grandma still stands.





[quote="Jennifer"]Hi all of you,
None of you know me personality, but I am sure, that the most of you know more about me than I would expect.
I am the reason why Sylvia is playing cards with you in the internet. When the internet got more and more relevant for my life she ask me: ,, What are you doing the whole day in the internet?’’ I told her:,, Chatting with friends .’’ She wanted me to show her the internet and the chatrooms. So I did. I explained her what ,,chatting’’ means, where it is possible to create a addy etc. While I was showing her all the things she asked me one thing:,, Is it also possible to play card games in the internet?’’ I showed her, where it is possible and that was the moment where she had a smile in her eyes and from this time on my mum played cards in the internet.
I just read the text my mother has written in this forum and although I know how strong my mum is, I was really impressed of the way she has written her feelings in this poetic and powerful style for all of you. Especially she has written it in English!! I am really proud of you mum!!
When you told me, that you have cancer it was absolutely a shock for me and also for the rest of the family! Until this moment my family and also you were more like ,,normal’’. To have a mum was for me the most normal thing in the world. I had never thought about the fact you could ever leave. But from this moment on everything changed completely! I asked myself what is life without my mum?? I recognized that having a family, that having a mum is the most important thing in the world!!
Although I know you bet the evil cancer I still can’t believe it. It is like having a good dream! All the doctors said you will die, but you didn’t! Each time the doctors said to you, that you will die in a couple of months. You said: No I will not die now! There is no bigger enemy in this whole world than the death! And you have beaten him several times. This is more than amazing!
The reason why you have always be so strong and powerful against the death is not only because of your family. It is also because of all your friends you have met in the internet! Each of them were in the most difficult period of your time there for you. Also you told most of them nothing of your cancer, thus they didn’t spoke with you about it. They did something more important: They played cards with you! All the time you lie in bed because of the cancer you was never alone! Actually you had often real fun and totally forgot about the cancer, while playing cards the whole time. To be honest sometimes you are laughing so loud, that we often thought something is wrong, but you just had so much fun with your friends!
At this moment I have to say thank you for all of my mother’s friends. Thank you for be one of the reasons my mother does not give up with her life!!!
As I am always telling you, mum: I do not allow you to die until you are an old grandma!!! I am going to play with you and my children, having a lot of Christmas days and a lot of more.

In love your daughter[/quote]

Well written Syl...